Music Reviews Are Fucking Dumb

When I was in primary school, we had a school trip to, like, Granite Island or something, and we were mucking around in the ocean and wrestling and stuff and I felt something brush past my leg and I thought it was just one of my mates until someone said “I stood on a stingray and it just zoomed off!” and I started thinking that maybe it had brushed past me and started thinking that maybe it had stung me. Then all my skin started stinging. Stinging. Like it was all being stung at once. By some sort of RAY that STINGS.

Ever since then, if I went in the ocean past my knees, all my skin would start stinging just like that time.

Except one time when I went in the water with my then-girlfriend and it was fine and I started figuring it was probably just all in my head.

I still avoid the beach in general, though.

I also hate getting sand all up in my junk.

Anyway: this album is pretty fun, I guess.

Orange out of Yellow.

The Promethean is a damn sexy venue, with all its purple and cushions and stuff. When you first walk in, it almost feels like that time when Austin Powers jumped on his circular bed and it started spinning and you were like “Wow, some things are just made to be sexy, and I don’t know if I’m supposed to be here or not”. Almost.

Speaking of sexy: these bands seems to have many hot ladies in their fanclubs. Like, MANY. And HOT. We spent most of the time at this gig just pointing at chicks and making “OMG!” and “I KNOW RIGHT!” faces.

The drummer from The Sun And The Sky wore an Indian headdress while he played, which looked pretty cool. There was heaps of massive [like, A0] posters around with this Indian head picture on it, which all looked really cool. Their t-shirts looked pretty killer, but I only had enough money to buy lots of drinks. We had shots of black Sambuca, which is weird cause I don’t even like Aniseed.

Anyway: the bands were pretty good, I guess.

6 out of 7.

Dan Deacon Ensemble was amazing. We got there just after they’d started, cause my friends and I were pounding a beer and getting high outside.

Walking in, heaps of people were dancing and getting into it and stuff, but soon enough Deacon was getting people to do crazy stuff. The first one was pretty simple, where everyone formed a massive circle and there was a boy and a girl in the middle and they had to dance, and one half of the room had to dance like the mother’s reaction to finding Tom Hanks in her son’s bed in Big and the other half had to dance “like [we] thought Avatar was gonna be.” And then the two in the middle would tag out every now and then and everyone would cheer the people who had the guts to dance in front of everyone.

Another one was when we made the circle again and there was only one guy in the middle and he had to run around the circle and high-five everyone [but he only really did mid-fives] and occasionally pull someone in behind him, and then they’d keep running around and bringing in more people and the circle becomes a a huge spiral as it goes along. Which was awesome. What was even more awesome was the part where some woman in her 40s who was COMPLETELY OFF HER FACE refused to not be the centre of attention, and when the dude started running around and high-[mid-]fiving everyone, she trundled in the opposite direction and everyone who was playing by the rules nearly took her out. Repeatedly. I’m not sure what happened to her in the end.

The last one was after we’d ducked outside for another cigarette and came back in to find everyone on their knees, with one girl in the middle of the circle making crazy arm movements. Eventually I realised everyone was copying her. But she never tagged out. I don’t know if she was a plant or just a big fan who knew what to expect and what to do for the whole time and her dreams came true or something.

Anyway: some music also happened, I guess.

50 points.